"Goodbye"
By Megan Marks
You were only my only love.
We were inseparable.
You calmed me down, picked me up, and made the pain go away.
So I thought,
I thought you were sheltering me when in all reality you were
imprisoning me, tormenting me, and controlling me
on a level I didn’t recognize.
I can’t blame anyone but myself.
I thought I was in love with you.
I realized I didn’t know what love was.
I thought I needed you in order for me to be someone or something.
I let you fool me time and time again.
I changed myself and I did things
I said I’d never do because of you and your influence.
I did it all for you;
disliking myself more and more,
becoming someone I didn’t even know anymore.
I was trapped in a shell just existing; numb to the world.
Eventually, I didn’t even want to exist.
I tried numerous times to kill myself.
I didn’t want to feel like a burden.
I let you keep me away from my children, my life, and my world.
Death was my only way out.
I thought if I was gone it wouldn’t matter,
no one would miss me, or even notice I was gone.
I can’t believe you had got me to think like that.
It was after I took the rap for you
that I was lucky enough to make it to jails and institutions
and NOT death.
With being forced to leave you there was some relief;
without you.
I found that there is something better
and it's called sobriety and myself.
Addiction, there’s no room in my life for you anymore.
I know I’m someone amazing without you.
I’ve found healthy coping skills to ease the pain.
So I’d like to say to you, I don’t need you. I never did.
This is my Goodbye forever.
[Megan Mark also submitted a poem for April 6.]
* * * * * * * * * *
"I Will Not Go Down"
By Rebecca Koshak
River swallowed my brother down
And the rapids tumbled sad
River swallowed my father down
And the whirlpools sang a dirge
Tumbled over and over in a rolling
Rolling endless time
I will not go down into the river
I will stay on the shore
Vowing time can grasp at me
But take my heart no more
River swallowed my brother down
And the ripples mourned in quiet
River swallowed my father down
And the deeps sang for his soul
A song that roared and foamed in a rolling
Rolling endless time
I will not go down to the water's edge
I will stay far back on the shore
Knowing its icy fingers can grasp
But take my heart no more.
"I was thinking of Jeff Buckley went I wrote this poem."
